I opened Facebook yesterday morning and my breath caught in my throat and my stomach twisted. The more I scrolled through my feed the more breathless I became and the more nauseous I felt.
Page after page, post after post they came; from friends, from family members, from peers, from women older than me, and women younger than me.
All of their statuses saying, “Me too.”
My feelings rolled in and out like the waves of the ocean, churning and turning over faster than I could process them.
Shock.
Anger.
Outrage.
Devastation.
Despair.
Heartbreak.
Then I looked down at my keyboard and typed, “Me too.”
Because, of course me too.
The more I thought about it, the more moments from my life came to me. Incidents and situations that I had not thought of in years – involving family members, friends, partners, teachers, classmates and strangers. More than I chose to count.
But what devistates me the most about this, my story and the stories of others, is how much this holds us back as women.
It’s incidents like these, happening day after day and over and over again throughout our lives that stop us from being ourselves, from putting ourselves out there, from living authentically.
There have been so many books and lectures given to us as women about how we need to “lean in” to life, embrace leadership, and confront the world head on. The whole time the implication being, “come on, what are you waiting for?”
This is why we don’t do it. This is why we wait.
Because it’s exhausting to go through this, day after day, over and over again. We’re tired of it. We’re lonely from it. It just one more thing on the list as long as our arms that we don’t want to have to deal with.
It’s not that we don’t want step out there, to set minds and hearts on fire, to change the world.
It’s that the world has shown us its not safe for us to do that. And when time and time again the world proves that to be true, we start to believe it.
The truth is, it’s taken years for me to come to a place where I can even start to heal from all this – the things that have happened to me, the way they’ve made me feel, and how they’ve held me back. Slowly but surely, and with guidance and support, I have been working to stand up again, to put myself out there and to take back my power.
I want things to be different for myself. I want that for you too.
As I said in my last blog post, we’re in this together. So, for all of you who said “me too” outload or in your hearts, from me to you –
I see you.
I hear you.
I hold this space for you however you are, with everything that has happened to you, and however you need to feel about it right now.
I am there for you. I honour you.
We can hold each other.
Together, we can all stand back up again.
-Mairin
P.S. If you’re reading this and you have no idea what I’m talking about, read this.
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This blog is a part of my work with Five Winds. It’s a space where I share thoughts and ideas on performing and wellness, and offer tips and ideas on how to stay balanced and healthy (body, mind, emotions and spirit) while living the life of a performer.
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